Saturday, December 03, 2005

How to make Singaporean babies [Part Three]

In this final installment, it is proposed that a public campaign be held to increase the fertility rate of Singapore.

As it should be clear by now, monetary incentives for babies is an ineffective method because it does not address the root problem, which is the desire to have sex. In order to increase the birthrate, Singaporeans need to feel more horny. Therefore, it is suggested that there should be a campaign to encourage Singaporeans to have sex more often.

The campaign slogan is proposed to be: "An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away"

It is medically proven that orgasms confer many health benefits to the human body, so, people should be encouraged to have more orgasms. If Singapore couples can have an orgasm everyday, imagine the number of times they would be having sex in a year and of course, what are the chances of more babies being made in the process?

In addition, information on how to have sex should be given to all married couples. Do not laugh, but there are people who might not know how to have sex! An instruction manual, complete with pictures and videos should be given out. Cable TV should also have pornographic channels to increase the sexual desire of Singaporeans. You do not expect those who live with monastic rules to have sex right? Therefore, Singapore should cut away all these libido restrictions and let sexual desire flourish.

In short, to make more Singaporean babies, the trick lies with getting Singaporeans to have sex more often, and not throwing money at them to make babies. Even if throwing money at people is the preferred governmental response to any problem, throw the money at Singaporeans and tell them to have sex more, not have more babies.

Monday, November 21, 2005

How to make more Singaporean babies [Part Two]

The second installment of my report will focus the laws of Singapore with regards to sex. Under the Penal Code (Section 377), it states that:

"Whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animals, shall be punished with imprisonment for life, or with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 10 years, and shall also be liable to fine."

So, what does carnal intercourse mean? This section is classic Singaporean law: the more vague it is, the better, so that I can convict you more easily. Essentially, anything other form of sexual intercourse involving the penetration of a human penis into a human vagina constitutes carnal intercourse. That means, no oral sex, no anal sex and no mutual masturbation.

How the hell do you get people to have sex if you are going to place so many restrictions? This law simply turns sex into a form of military drill. Every time, you just do the same marching over and over and over and over and over again. I assure you, people will get sick of having "legal" sex after a while. Try eating salted fish everyday for the next ten years and tell me whether you will get sick of salted fish.

To get more babies, we must work on the process that creates babies. We must remove all obstacles that can hinder Singaporeans from having sex. I recommended that this section should be deleted from the Penal Code. Who is to judge whether my preferred form of sexual intercourse is right or wrong? If there is a law governing how I have sex, what's next? A law to govern how I eat, sleep and shit?

According to a Wikipedia article, some court cases have established that oral sex between man and women do not constitute carnal sex provided it leads to the "legal" form of sex. Essentially, you are allowed engage in oral pleasures as foreplay. But, you mean that if my babe is having the time of the month and that it's messy to have sex, she cannot even give me a blowjob? That's ridiculous!!!

By the way, according to the same Wikipedia article, even if you have "legal sex" after oral sex, if you don't achieve orgasm, the act of oral sex is still illegal! WHAT THE FUCK. If I cannot achieve orgasm, no matter what you do to me, I just CAN'T! And I commit an offence for that?

Anyway, this report recommends that Section 377 of the Penal Code be removed because it destroys sexual desire in Singaporeans.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

How to make more Singaporean babies [Part One]

Singapore's falling birth rate is a huge problem. Government leaders have no idea how to reverse the trend. Being the guru on Singaporean men (and women), I have decided to commission myself to make some recommendations for the greater good of Singapore. The recommendations will be split into a number of parts owing to the extensiveness of the recommendations.

Existing governmental incentives, in a nutshell, are basically throwing money in the face of Singaporeans. It's like a father telling his son: "If you give me one grandchild, I'll give you a thousand bucks. Give me two grandchildren, I'll give you two thousand bucks. Give me three, and I'll give you five thousand. Give me a football team, I'll rob a bank for you."

Now, is the problem of low birth rates due to Singaporeans being unable to afford to have children? This chart from Durex's global sex survey 2005 suggests otherwise:

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Singaporeans only have sex a mere 73 times a year? How do you expect the birth rate to go up if in the first place, Singaporeans are uninterested in having sex? NO sex means NO babies, no matter how much money you are willing to throw in.

Therefore, I recommend that the government adopt policies and schemes to make Singaporeans more horny. Existing policies do not address the root of the problem, that is, extremely low levels of sex drive. Some recommended courses of action will be published in Part Two.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Of Singaporean men and penis size

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I can never, ever understand why some of our womenfolk prefer the penis of an ang moh. If you recall my previous post, I said that maybe an ang moh has bigger penis, so they can satisfy women better. However, I suspect that it is a myth that is held among some of our "sua koo" Singaporean women that ang mohs have bigger penises.

Maybe because the penis is not as observable as the breast, which is why the myth refuses to die. We men know that breast size does not depend on whether you are an ang moh or not. I see many white women with small chests and I see many C and D cup sized Asian women as well. It is probably more of genetics and maybe fortune (or misfortune, depending on how you look at it haha) that one has bigger breasts or penis.

To debunk the myth, in 1996, researchers at the University of California published in the Journal of Urology that the average erect length was 12.9cm. Hardly impressive. Take out your rulers you women. The results are damn far from your imagined 25cm white pecker. The research was done in America, so I suppose that a majority of the participants of the research are white males, yah? Don't believe me? Check it out yourself then.

Someone should really do a research on the average erect penis length of the Singaporean male. On a personal note, if the average American man erect penis is just 12.9cm long, I can safely laugh at more than half of them for having small dicks. I'm not going to reveal my size, but it's at least a couple of centimetres longer.

So, the next time a woman starts talking about white men having bigger penises, show her this blog. If your manhood is longer than 12.9cm, offer to show her to prove that you have a bigger pecker than the average American Joe. With her consent that is, unless you want a free front page appearance on the Straits Times.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

We are worth more than you think

I cannot understand why Singaporean women like to complain about Singaporean men. It is best exemplified in the common saying: "Good Singaporean men are either married, gay or dead." Of course, only the single woman would say such a thing.

I've also heard quite a fair bit of complaints about Singaporean men from my lady friends. The adjectives used are things like immature, insensitive, not charming blah blah. Oh yes, compared to the ang mohs, probably our penises are smaller too, so we can't satisfy our Singaporean women in bed as well.

Frankly, what is so bad about Singaporean men? You don't want us, other women want. For all my fellow Singaporean brethen out there, don't despair if you cannot find a girl in Singapore because they think you CMI (cannot make it). Go and live in Hong Kong or South Korea for a year and you'll come back with a girlfriend. We're hot stuff in Hong Kong and South Korea, trust me.

We Singaporean males are about the least chauvinistic chaps on this planet. We do NOT expect the responsibilities of our wives to only be making cakes and babies. We want them to work and succeed in life just like us. And, we do NOT make our wives do all the housework. We are more than happy to share in the household chores. Maybe we take a longer time due to inherent male traits of carelessness and clumsiness, but we will not shy away from it and pretend that it's none of our business.

Do you know how attractive non-chauvinistic guys are? Or maybe, our Singaporean women find this too common and that there is nothing special about that. It's okay though, I'm sure my fellow Singaporean brethen wouldn't mind hot babes who speak with Cantonese or Korean accent. Definitely more exotic than most Singaporean women.

On the issue of immaturity, the ugly truth is, Singaporean women are not any better. I'm not saying this out of spite or malice, but rather, the maturity issue is really due to circumstance. The society that we live in is an anomaly in the world. No strikes? No guns? Little violence? Little mugging? No beggars in town area? How mature can you get in such artifical environments? So you women don't mock us; you are not any better. We collectively are four million frogs in a small red dot of an artificial well on the world map.

Frankly, the average Singaporean man is a good catch. The problem with our women is that they are suffering from the illusion that the grass on the other side is greener. Let them continue dreaming. One day, when they are left on the shelf, they will kick themselves for letting the Hong Kong and Korean babes snatch their dreams away.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Do we really care about women's makeup?


Well, most of the time. Yeah, I know all the arguments about why women should wear makeup blah blah. Even our famous Singaporean celebrity blogger Xiaxue had her two cents worth on why women wear makeup. But frankly, we men don't really care.

Makeup is absolutely useless if you are a cold fish in bed. Imagine the best made up girl you've ever seen and she looks so absolutely hot. Youare almost getting a heatstroke from the anticipation of a romping good time, and then you realise that she's more dead than the frozen promfret that you saw in the supermarket earlier. Maybe the effect wouldn't be so bad if she didn't made herself up so nicely.

Okay, you can take the earlier paragraph with a pinch of salt. I was half-joking. I leave you to wonder which half I'm joking about. On a more serious note however, no makeup, or at most very light makeup is acceptable to most men. 90% of the time you won't score extra points wearing heavy makeup.

A huge part of beauty is not the looks, but the confidence of the person. I think that women with little or no makeup are damn attractive. It simply shows that they are not insecure about their looks and not afraid to show the entire world who they really are. Yeah, a woman with alot of makeup properly done may look more stunning in the beginning but trust me, that effect wears off after a couple of hours. If you want men to continually think you are pretty, you stand a better chance with little or no makeup.

Xiaxue is an excellent example of makeup that has gone to the extreme. You would need a spade to dig out the amount of foundation that she puts on. Does that make her pretty? On first sight, probably. But, the more I see, the more fake I think it is. You see the importance of having no makeup now? If you want further proof, let me share with you something I overheard from some people who were talking about Xiaxue. They were saying that she looks like shit without makeup. I personally don't think that is true, but the point is that you put on so much makeup that people assume that you have something to hide, and when you don't have your makeup on anymore, because of the earlier assumption, you end up looking to them a whole lot more ugly than you really are.

Maybe Xiaxue needs this instead of a spade!

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Bottomline is that, take care of your skin. Do the necessary cleaning and pamper yourself to a facial once in a while. Pluck your eyebrows if you wish. But, that's it. Nothing more. Natural beauty is the best. If you ever need to put on makeup, probably lipstick and light foundation will do. If you're going for a function, mascara and eyebrow pencil is allowed. As long as you do not need a shovel to dig out the foundation or you don't look like a panda, you're safe, and you're sexy.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Singaporean women drivers

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Ok, sensitive topic. However, I still have to say it. I think that women drivers are much worse than male drivers. Well, maybe not all, but I've encountered many more terrible female drivers compared to male drivers.

One of the most frustrating thing is to drive behind a female driver on the expressway. The concept of safe driving is taken to ridiculous levels. Who drives 20kmh below the speed limit on the expressway? Slow and steady doesn't mean that it is safe. Driving slowly pisses the driver behind and it's more dangerous if he tries to cut out of his lane, overtake and then get back into the same lane, especially when traffic is heavy.

The other kind of female drivers I've encountered are the indecisive ones. They will decide to change lane, and half-way into the next lane, swiftly cut back into the original one. A minute or two later, the same action occurs again. And a few minutes later, again.

Okay, to be fair, I've encountered terrible male drivers too, especially TAXI drivers. !#$%^&*%$#^

This asshole stopped about 35m in front to pick up a passenger. Since it was a two lane road, I signalled right, changed lane and decided to overtake. Bearing in mind the terrible driving of taxi drivers, I half wondered in the back of my head whether he would just suddenly make am illegal U-turn if the passenger wanted to go in the other direction. Just to play safe, I slowed down my car speed.

True enough that fucker tried to make a complete U-turn just when the front of my car was just a few metres behind him. I jammed my brakes and just barely avoided slamming into the side of his taxi. Thank goodness I practise defensive driving. Bloody taxi drivers.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

All men and women are equal

I have made a bullshit title that I absolutely do not believe in. The feminists can flame me for all I care, but the fact is that men and women are NOT equal and will NEVER be equal.

I can never understand hardcore feminists whose aim in life is to be as equal as men. So, what's so great about men that make these women want to me like us? Is it our burping, farting or B.O.? Frankly, I don't really think that it is that fantastic to be a man you know.

Perhaps the title should be reworded as such: all men and women are to have equal opportunities. Now, that I completely agree with. Just because I have a penis and you don't doesn't mean that I get a scholarship even though you are smarter. Or, just because you have to give birth and go out of action for a few months means that you should be denied a promotion in favour of one who doesn't have to give birth. If you are good, you deserve to be rewarded, no matter which genitalia you so happen to possess.

I think Singaporean females are one of the luckiest in the world. Whenever I read stories about how women in other places were denied education, work, or even forced to be raped to 'regain' the honour of their family, I really think that our society has gone a long way to ensure equality of opportunity for our women.

The only one thing I do not agree with, and that is, why the hell should I still maintain my ex-wife and children after a divorce? Singaporean women these days are as capable as men, and in some cases, even more capable then men in earning money. This law is a mockery of our society's progress. Implicit in this law is that no matter what, women are inferior and need to be taken care of. Utter crap.

Enough ramblings. I wanted to share a quote on women but I don't remember who said it. I only remember that it was a rather famous male actor. Essentially, he was saying that he thinks that women are the greatest creations of God and he doesn't understand why are they pushing so hard for 'equality'. Why would they want to stoop down to the level of men?

I loved that quote, and I will always remember that quote. Women should stop thinking that they need equality. Women possess attributes that we men would give an arm or a leg for, although our ego prevents us from saying it. I frankly wish I can sense emotions as well as a woman, or express myself as well as a woman. It ain't no fun to be be unable to tell if people have hidden feelings or to will myself never to cry because it is just not manly to do so.

Now you know why when males are young, they have mothers and when they grow up they have wives. They need a woman to take care of them their entire life.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

A man thinks of sex every fifteen minutes

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Well, since we are on the topic of sex, let's continue the topic. Maybe it is a little exaggerating for some guys, and maybe it is overly understated for other guys but well, you get the point. Men cannot stop thinking about sex.

The prostitution and pornography industry are the clearest evidence that men cannot stop thinking about sex. For myself, ideally, I would like to have sex at least 3 times a week. I don't mind more (actually I would like more!)

What's this obsession that men have with regards to sex? Is it the action? Or is it the passion? Maybe it's an ego trip? Maybe we men don't even know the exact answers. Somehow, a female comes along and within 10 seconds, if we find the slightest sexual attraction to the female, we will not hesitate to launch into an action packed session (assuming that there is consent).

Personally, sex just feels great. There can be no better experience of human intimacy than sex. Totally naked, holding each other close and pleasuring each other. I can't imagine anything else that comes close.

Now, please note that we men like to pleasure our partners too. There may be some selfish bastards but I think that by and large, men do want to send their female partners into throes of ecstasy. It makes us wild to see you go wild. And, when you go wild, you will make us wild too. So, why would we men not want to pleasure women sexually.

Of course, knowing how to pleasure women is an art in itself. I suppose I qualify as a master of this art. I'll share some tips another day.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

The Magic Solution

You need a man to do something, be it wash the dishes, walk the dog, switch the tv channel or simply just sitting down and listening to you. Is there a magic solution that will make a man do your bidding?

The good news is: YES

And what might the magical solution be?

The answer: SEX

Alright, don't start thinking I am a pervert or a deprived person. I'm stating the truth. Sex can get a man to do things for a woman 99% of the time. Have you ever wondered why some kings or emperors in ancient times listen to their concubines more than their officials? I am very sure that a good overnight romp gets more attention than listening to a half-day speech on the country.

We men NEED sex. Listen up you females. It is not a want. It is a NEED. Don't ask me why we men need sex. Tell me why you need to eat, drink, breathe and sleep. Or tell me why women need to shop, gossip and whine.

Bottomline is, if you want something from your man, give him great sex, and give him great sex FREQUENTLY. Don't believe me? Give it a try.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

They just don't listen!

It is a very common complaint that men do not listen. It is not that we do not listen to things a woman have to say, but, women tend to say things at the wrong time. If you are going to say it at the wrong time, then can you blame us men for not listening to you?

Examples of talking to men at the wrong time
  1. Talking to him when he is reading the newspaper
  2. Talking to him when he is looking at the television
  3. Talking to him when he is surfing the Internet
  4. Talking to him when he is playing a game

Ok, maybe some men can multi-task very well, but I would say that a man's ability to multi-task is much lower than that of a woman. If you want a man to listen, you better be sure that he is not doing anything else, or even thinking anything else.

We men are not insensitive creatures. It is just that we have a huge tendency to get so absorbed in whatever we are doing that we shut off the outside world completely. Yeah, you feminists can start gloating at this "weakness" of men. However, I don't really think this is a weakness. If managed properly, you can get your man to be so absorbed with loving you that he will shut off everything else (especially other women) for you.

It is an art to get a man to listen, but it is not a difficult art, once you get the hand of it. Of course, there are some exceptions to the rule. There are tricks to get a man to respond even if he is absorbed with something else. I'll leave that to my next entry.


The motivation behind this blog is to let the entire world have an insight into the thoughts of a Singaporean male. I am not sure if I am a "typical" Singaporean male but I guess that doesn't really matter. At least there is one guy who will openly share thoughts and ideas about what matters to the male Singaporean. :)